


Finn Doesn't Know

by tinymick



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Humor, One Shot, Parody, and a chair may be kicked, there may be some slight finn bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:38:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7718677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinymick/pseuds/tinymick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel said she was ready to have sex. And he was supposed to be ecs-ecsta- really happy, okay? Except everyone kept ruining any chance they had!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finn Doesn't Know

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Glee, don't own Faberry, don't own Eurotrip, don't own basically anything.
> 
> This was first published at Fanfiction.Net in Feb 3, 2014.

Finn stomped along the hallway in a brood.

Rachel said she was ready to have sex. And he was supposed to be ecs-ecsta- _really_ happy, okay? Except everyone kept ruining any chance they had!

First it had been that first day, when a stuttering Rachel Berry blushed and told him she loved him and she was ready to make love to him.

And he was like " _Score!_ " in his head but he smiled and took her in his arms because he totally loves her and knows when not to be a douche (sometimes he forgets and they have a fight but he apologizes and buys her flowers and they're okay again).

Then he planned a really romantic night later because he knows girls dig those kinds of things. He'd picked up Rachel at her house, but just as they were about to get into his car, a breathless Kurt showed up, warning them not to go back to his place, some sort of bug infestation.

He looked winded up and slightly maniac, looking around like he expected someone to hit him, but Finn just frowned and said "okay" and ended up taking Rachel to the movies.

They ended up running into Quinn there and Finn was just too bummed to care that both girls talked in hushed voices during the entire movie.

Next time it happened, Finn had booked a nice place for them to stay – as nice as he could afford anyway – and when they were going upstairs after checking in, he could've sworn he heard a familiar voice cursing in Spanish, but he was already chanting Mailman under his breath and he couldn't be bothered with anything else.

A few minutes later the owner of the place had loudly knocked on the door and reluctantly told them they'd have to leave, because they'd found a gas leak and it wasn't safe.

Finn groaned and glared at him. "What like, someone farted? We can just spray some air freshener and it's fine."

He had looked at Finn like he suddenly realized something and then at Rachel, slightly shaking his head. He then thoroughly insisted with them until they left.

Finn had received a text that just said he should take Rachel to go get some ice-cream and he'd shrugged, grinning when she liked the idea. They ended up running into Quinn in the ice-cream parlor, but he was still wondering why farts were such a big deal, so he didn't notice how sometimes they would just shut up and Rachel would blush.

The _third_ time it happened, Finn was sure the universe was mad at him. He didn't, like, usually believe in those things, but it was totally happening to him right now and he didn't know what to do.

He had made sure Rachel's parents wouldn't be home, he had checked for gas leaks and bug infestations and he had made _sure_ no one knew what was going on – besides his best bro Puck, but he kind of needed sex tips, so it didn't count.

When Rachel came home, she found the room all filled with roses and that one song he knew was her favorite playing. (He heard Quinn mumble something about it to Rachel and then running off. Finn thought it was weird but he really didn't know much about girls anyway).

He was wearing a tuxedo and looking proudly at her and Rachel had grinned and bit her lip.

He was so sure it was going to happen and then-

There was a knock on the door.

"Oh, c'mon!" He even tapped his foot on the ground, making Rachel look weirdly at him.

A weird looking man was standing there, talking about sewers and dangers to the house's foundations.

He looked Asian and a bit scrawny for the moustache he had on, but when Rachel started inquiring about details he just babbled something about damage of vocal chords and she was sold.

She'd dragged Finn out of the house and asked the man which area of Lima was the least affected and he'd mentioned the Fabray's household.

Finn thought it was weird he was so specific (word of the day) but stumbled to the car and drove Rachel to Quinn's anyway.

All the Glee kids were there except for Mike, who arrived a bit later with a sticky thing on his face that Tina quickly wiped out under Rachel's watchful eye.

Puck managed to drag him to play some video games and, by the time he realized it was late and he should probably drive Rachel home, he went looking for her.

She was out in the garden with Quinn, talking in hushed voices, which was totally weird, but he shrugged.

They'd jumped from each other when he called her, but he reasoned it was because they hated each other.

So now Finn was in a really bad mood. He was supposed to be getting laid like, _three weeks_ ago! And he didn't even see Rachel all that much anymore, with all the time she kept spending with Quinn.

He walked into the choir room and took a seat in the front. "Anyone see Rachel?"

They all murmured "no" under their breath and averted their eyes from him.

He shrugged and suddenly Rachel was walking briskly inside the choir room and not even noticing him.

He frowned as Quinn followed her and touched her shoulder, only to be shrugged off. "I promise it's true."

Rachel looked down and then at her. "Really?"

Quinn smiled and bit her lip, getting closer to Rachel. "Yea."

Tina had cleared her throat and the two girls had widened their eyes and turned their gaze to him which-

Wow.

Totally bizarre.

He blinked and then Quinn was clenching her jaw and Rachel was carefully sitting next to him.

He goofily smiled at her and she just managed to small smile back, turning to the front where Quinn was talking with Mr. Schue, who reluctantly nodded his assent.

Then Quinn pointed to Brad and glared at Finn.

Like, totally aggressive.

_"Scotty doesn't know,_  
_That Fionna and me,_  
_Do it in my van every Sunday."_

Finn scrunched his eyebrows and looked around. The Glee kids were all trying not to laugh and Rachel was sitting there all pale. He thought he was missing something, but he didn't _know_ what, so he just bobbed his head.

It was pretty catchy.

_"Scotty doesn't know, oh._  
_Scotty doesn't know-oh._  
_So don't tell Scotty!_  
_Scotty doesn't know,_  
_Scotty doesn't know._  
_SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!"_

Quinn smirked at him and he scrunched his eyebrows. Rachel looked at him and when he blinked at her she gulped before turning to Quinn again.

When the song ended, everybody clapped at a smug looking Quinn. "Thank you, just wanted to let _Scotty_ know."

They snickered, while Rachel looked mildly uncomfortable, but Finn just looked at her confused. "I don't understand. Who's Scotty?"

"Seriously?" Quinn waved her arms in his direction and turned to Rachel. _"Seriously?"_

Rachel suddenly got up and fixed her skirt before clearing her throat and turning to him. "Finn, I'm afraid _you're_ Scotty."

He frowned. "But then who-

"Oh my God." Quinn let out exasperated. "Rachel's Fionna. Get it?"

He blinked before widening his eyes and getting up. "How could you!"

"N-Now Finn, nothing extreme happened." Rachel immediately put her palms up.

"Yet." Quinn whispered and Rachel shot her a glare.

"Not helping." She hissed and turned back to Finn. "The truth is that over the past few weeks Quinn and I have been getting closer and I have realized that, well, you're not who I thought I wanted."

"But-" He groaned and pleaded with her. "Rachel! We were going to have _sex_!"

"Yea, that's not gonna happen." Quinn snorted but immediately straightened up at Rachel's warning. "Sorry."

"I'm sorry Finn. I really am." Rachel looked at him apologetically (word of the day) and he groaned.

"It's not fair!" He was ready to walk out but made sure to come back and kick at least two chairs before leaving.

**Author's Note:**

> Song is "Scotty Doesn't Know" by Lustra, originally from the movie Eurotrip.


End file.
